Movie Review: The Accidental Husband (2008)

I didn’t expect a lot from The Accidental Husband.  It was originally released in the United Kingdom in early 2008, but its United States release was suspended indefinitely when the distribution company, Yari Film Group, declared for bankruptcy in late 2008.  Thus, it was resurrected as a straight-to-DVD movie for US distribution, released November 10th.  Unfortunately, The Accidental Husband was not even able to meet my relatively meager expectations, and it stands as possibly the worst movie so far of 2009.

The story, what little there is, is riddled with clichés and illogical character actions.  Dr. Emma Lloyd (Uma Thurman) is a “relationship expert” who has her own radio show.  One night, she gives Sofia (Justina Machado) the advice to break off her engagement to Patrick (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) based on the results of an online compatibility test (yes, you read that right).  To get back at Emma, Patrick decides to have his neighbor’s son, who also happens to be an unbelievably proficient computer hacker, to hack into the national registry and make Patrick and Emma “married” so he can teach her a thing or two about relationships.  This, obviously, does not sit well with Emma or her fiancé, Richard (Colin Firth).

The story only manages to go downhill from there.  The characters act in unbelievably ridiculous ways, adding lie upon lie when it’s fairly obvious that if anyone decided to take two minutes to stop and think about things, they’d realize how stupid the situation is.  Add this to incredibly insipid dialogue, a Razzie worthy performance from Thurman (do they give Razzies to straight to DVD movies that may have actually been released the year before in other countries?), and absolutely unbearable music that would seem hamfisted in a children’s movie, and it’s not hard to see why the theatrical release of The Accidental Husband was never resurrected. 

The more I try to find a redeeming value in The Accidental Husband, the more I seem to come up short.  I feel bad for Colin Firth, who has been in much better movies and his screen time in this is almost non-existant.  His character is so underwritten I forgot about him when he wasn’t on the screen, which may be to Firth’s benefit in the long term.  Jeffrey Dean Morgan, meanwhile, looks like an American Javier Bardem (same hair style, facial hair, etc) but without half the talent that Bardem brings to the screen.  Not that I would ever wish a movie so terrible upon Bardem...or any actor, for that matter.

I’m not the biggest fan of romantic comedies, but I can generally find at least a redeeming performance or scene in one.  Some even manage to be good despite the clichéd nature of the story (for an example of this, see I Could Never Be Your Woman).  The Accidental Husband, however, was absolutely horrible from beginning (with Thurman reading off romantic advice that is both dumb and unrealistic) to end (I can’t really discuss it without giving away the cliché conclusion, but it was painfully sappy). 

Although it’s only two movies, Thurman’s performances in both The Accidental Husband and My Super Ex-Girlfriend, another absolutely atrocious rom-com, would make me think twice about ever going to a romantic comedy starring Thurman again.  

Rating:  1/10 (I reserve zeroes for movies that are not only horrible but also truly offensive to my sense of decency.  At least The Accidental Husband didn’t do that.  I guess I do have something positive to say about it)